Keeping perspective

I posted an entry a while ago outlining my "rules" for social media participation: I continue to be amazed (and apalled?) at the number of people that seem to use social media sites as places to engage with potential "hook-ups" - are we, as a society, so fixated with sexual interaction that no opportunity is overlooked?

A golden rule that I have is to NEVER meet anyone in the flesh as a result of a social media encounter: apart from not wanting to be a hypocrite, I have no doubt there would be a high degree of disappointment on the part of the other person in what the real "me" actually consists of.

I beg you, dear reader, to maintain a degree of perspective and self-dignity - please don't spoil the joy of discovery that these sites can offer for the sake of tawdry sexual conquests. If that is truly what you are after, then use alternative means/sites that are established for that specific purpose where you will find other like-minded individuals. 

Should we ever go back?

A long-time relationship (one I thought to be dead, to be perfectly honest) has raised it's head again recently.

It has come at a time when I have much turmoil in my life: my aged father is quite ill and my "love life" - while having had a couple of recent carnal (but essentially emotion-free) high points - is not great. 

This (potentially resurrectable) long-term association offers me solace, comfort, understanding and requires little of me in return; potentially a "no-brainer" it -by contrast - offers me little in the way of excitement and adventure ... Which is essentially why it faltered in the first place.

So what do I do? Do I throw the offer of potential emotional stability back in the face of the one who is offering or do I "go back", accept what is offered and reciprocate as best I can whilst trying to inject a level of excitement (where possible) into the arrangement?

My quandary continues ....

What if ...(part 3) - final

So a low-key assignation was arranged: no pressure on either of us to be intimate or sexy - just a good, old-fashioned evening of good company to get to know one another better.

It didn't start too well - circumstances conspired to make her over an hour late; she was, of course, contrite and spent the first 10 minutes of our time together apologising for her late arrival. Pleasantries and civilities complete we sat in the bar at hotel I was staying at (and had arranged to meet at) for approximately an hour, swapping stories, divulging little tit-bits of info and dropping the odd 'secret' - each to the other to help fill out our 'profiles' and impressions of our respective personalities.

After an hour we decided to adjourn, with drinks, to my room to talk in a little more privacy and where we could divulge further info about ourselves that perhaps we wouldn't want to share in a more public place. This civil intimacy lasted for approximately another hour before we both reverted to type and started tearing each others' clothes off.

What ensued over the next 3 or so hours can only be described as a period of intense mutual pleasure and ultimate satisfaction: my enjoyment of her was more intense and satisfying than our previous time together as was (unless she was a consummate actress - repeatedly!) hers.

We spent the night together lying entwined in the big double bed of the hotel room until real life - and the alarm clock - interrupted our slumbers too early the following morning and we parted civilly, thanking each other for a lovely time and promising to stay in touch and get together again soon. 

We won't.

What if ...(part 2)

Much to my surprise, she did appear to notice me. 

We conversed by text and email and met again, ending up "very close" (yes, that is a euphemism), an experience that was thoroughly enjoyable and enhanced in no small part by her beauty, compliance and skill.

Since then we have continued to converse and she has alluded to the prospect that perhaps our "close encounter" should not be a one-off. For this prospect I am both flattered and excited in equal measure ... but what now?

I am too old to play the "keep it cool" game - but I really don't want to stifle her with over-reaction and a bombardment/deluge of irritating communications... she has her own, very full, life where she encounters others she MUST be drawn to (other "close encounters" must be inevitable) - this aspect of her is one of the things I find intriguing and attractive - and I don't want to come across as the "clingy, desperate" one (I'm not!) ... so for the first time in a long time I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

The easiest thing would be to commit the experience to memory, stay friendly with her and move on; but the memory of how she reacted to me, the image in my head of the way she looked at me ....

Social media - rules for sanity and survival

You may recall that in a recent previous post I vented my feelings on my perception of "fake" and parasitic users on social media. 

My social media of choice is Twitter. After much thought and consideration, I have summarised my thoughts and intentions for any continued use of this particular vehicle into 3 simple rules, which you may want to consider for your own use:-

Don't judge; keep those that make you feel good close to you, enjoy their interaction & let everyone else go fuck themselves (twitter rule #1)

Tell only what you want, don't be coerced to reveal more. Don't be pressurised to call, meet, text or in anyway communicate outside of the bounds of the social media facility unless YOU want to.  If that's not good enough for someone, tell 'em to fuck off (twitter rule #2)

If they bad mouth you, slag you off or generally give you any negativity, FFS use the unfollow and block buttons - no one has a "divine right" to be in your "Twittersphere" (twitter rule #3)

If this framework doesn't suffice for your follower interaction, the followers in question probably aren't worth bothering with. 

Rant over ...

What if ...

As I have aluded to in previous posts, I believe we all have ambitions in life. These "milestone" ambitions are often preceded by smaller "peace-meal"  targets along the way ... Targets that either - once achieved as a group -ultimately lead to the attainment of one of our ambitions,  or are simply the achievement of a smaller "want" or "desire" in our everyday life to make us more comfortable or secure or feel good about ourselves.

This does not apply merely or exclusively to material objects and possessions but also, I believe, to our acquaintances and relationships.

I have been lucky enough - through one of my hobbies - to have a new person come into my life (yes, OK, it's a lady!) who is stunningly beautiful, a wonderful (yet flawed and somewhat troubled) person who -because of her occupation and lifestyle - meets many people,  most of whom are far more interesting, attractive and intelligent than I and she, therefore - in nothing but the barest of civil interactions - hardly notices that I exist. 

So what is it about these "unrequited" acquaintances that attract and fascinate us so? Yes - I admit it - I have a little crush on this lady: are my feelings and fascination for her heightened due to the one-sided nature of the acquaintance? I don't know; but what if ....

What if she DID notice me? What if she DID have a similar fascination and feelings for me? What then? I would, undoubtedly, feel very good about myself for being able to attract such a stunning, gorgeous and interesting lady (arrogant I know - but I make no apologies or pretend otherwise) .... but  would the fascination and arrogant contentment last or would I - in my typically shallow way - having achieved this "target", be on the lookout for someone more beautiful, more stunning etc? 

The intricacies of my own nature - and that of we humans generally - never ceases to fascinate, absorb (and on occasions disappoint) me.

Your thoughts, kind reader, are welcomed ...

Liars, Parasites and "users"

With the advent of the various Social Media sites and their portability via tablet and smartphone 'apps', it has never been easier to 'meet' new people and interact with them pretty much any time, anywhere.

This - in concept - is great. You can 'meet' and interact with new people, the likes of which you might never encounter in real life, exchange views, thoughts, ideas, laugh and argue together and - in some rare cases - ultimately meet in the flesh and become firm friends. However, like all things in life, for every good thing/experience, there seems to be (in my experience at least) an equal and opposite 'baddie'.

Unfortunately, aside from the Cyber Trolls that everyone must by now be aware of, there appear to be a strata of social media participants who are little better than parasites (or 'users') of the less-suspecting, good hearted and well-intentioned site user.

In this I refer to the people who either :

• misrepresent themselves - the Liars - (projecting themselves to be something that they are not in order to attract attention)
• 'latch on' to others - the Parasites - to gather as much information about that person or their expertise for their own satisfaction and then 'drop' the 'innocent' party like a stone once they are sated   
• manipulate others - the Users - for their own ends or gratification

Of course, there are Social Media users who have elements/combinations of all three of the broad categories I list here (and likely others that I have not): none of which is appealing or productive to any but the perpetrator.

The net effect of the Trolls, the Liars, the Parasites et all is an extremely negative experience for the innocent, well -intentioned Social Media user when such sites are conceived/designed to be exactly the opposite. The plus side, however, is that - as the actual writing of this blog entry attests - the well-intentioned user is now becoming 'wise' to the predatory nature of others and is more guarded - and perhaps better armed? - and able to deal with such 'enemies'.

So if you are a Social Media user reading this via a profile link, heed my words.... if you are not here with the best of intentions, we are on to you. 

Frustration

I recently had the chance to stop for a few days, catch my breath and take stock of the current events in and status  of my life.

It occurred to me that we humans are creatures of infinite requirement and avarice: we set ourselves goals and objectives and - upon achievement - want more or bigger or better.

I am fortunate to be relatively comfortable - financially and personally - but still I find myself frustrated with what I possess and have achieved thus far in my life: you will recall (from a recent previous post) that I had started to experience the desire to slow down and start to enjoy my achievements and status: this feeling/desire lasted only as long as it took me to exhaust the content of my TiVo recordings - then I started drumming my fingers and was itching for something to do.

I have been lucky enough to have known several wonderful women in my life - some I have been romantically involved with, others I have met through my various work and leisure activities (e.g. I was a competent polo player and am a reasonable glamour photographer): each time I have dallied with (or photographed) my female 'objective' (apologies if that term appears offensive but I am unable to think of a less objectionable term), my quest for a superior companion or model begins.

This is indeed shallow of me and I am not proud of this aspect of my nature but it does illustrate, I think, the nature of we humans to always want more.

..... or is it just me? Your opinions, dear reader, are always welcome 

Arrogance

Previous visitors to this blog will know (with a few notable exceptions) of my preference for the more mature lady over her younger counterpart.

Being the open minded gent that I am, however, I recently chatted to a young lady who clearly believed herself to be another exception to my "rule" and proceeded to try and impress with discourse consisting of (she thought) "smart" cerebral references and terse acerbic comments that were both tiresome and out of context.

Imagine my quandary, then: not only am I faced with a young lady with an undeservedly high opinion of herself but - no doubt due to the aforementioned high opinion - was pretentious and extremely arrogant with it ( when I pointed out that perhaps her attitude and approach were not the best way of convincing people, like myself, that she was indeed the kind of person that matched her self-image, she responded by pointing out her belief that any problem here was definitely mine!)....how charming.

A word to the wise then: remember - it is nice to be important (unless it is self-importance) but it is far more important to be nice. 

In summary: Lovely,  intelligent, mature ladies please form a group to my right, truly interesting younger ladies congregate to my left; - arrogant, pretentious CHILDREN  keep on walking. 

'nuff said .....

Heightened awareness

What is it about the different seasons of the year that affects a man’s libidinous instincts so? As visitors to this blog on prior occasions may note, I have previously remarked on the seasonal ‘improvement’ in the attire of the fairer sex and the impact(s) that can have on a red-blooded heterosexual male. Is it because women’s summer fashions are generally more revealing? Is it because the warmer seasons have similar effects on a woman’s libido which, in turn, translates itself into a change in attitude, attire etc.? I have to say I am at a loss to explain this perceived seasonal ‘up-turn’ but not alone in my perception of it.

So, enough of trying to fathom ‘why’ and more of saying ‘wow!’ and thanking the general female populace, at this time of year, for reminding us how damn gorgeous they really are; - from the younger lady who will perhaps leave her hosiery off, wear a shorter skirt and give us a glimpse of tanned legs, to the more mature lady who will also leave off her hosiery, wear an elegant summery wrap over dress, put her hair up and look very vogue-esque in a pair of stunning designer sunglasses.

Whichever category a lady may fall into (or anywhere in between), we – the general heterosexual male populace – thank you all from the bottom of our hearts and request that you carry on keeping up the good work!

Success

One of the pressures a man faces in the modern world is the pressure to ‘succeed’. Success can come in a number of forms and is often measured by the critical rule we cast over ourselves.

The measure of success – in my experience- is often (and indeed is the partner of) ambition: our ambition defines our goals and requirements of our time here, success is the measure of how many (and, indeed, to what extent) we judge ourselves to have achieved our ambitions.

Ambition is a very personal thing and is quite often defined by the values instilled in us by our parents: for some the measure of success will be the very act of marrying, having a family and working consistently enough (a challenge in itself in the current climate) to provide for that family – for others their ambition will drive them to succeed at the highest level; be that to be the best in their chosen field or to found, build and drive great empires of commerce… each to his own.

Having been driven, to a large extent, for most of my adult life to achieve a comfortable lifestyle and indulge myself in various life experiences, my measure of success has been about what my ‘travails’ have enabled me to achieve/acquire for me and mine rather than the success of the tasks in my career or business for its own sake. This may appear somewhat shallow and materialistic but, for me, life has been about (and indeed still is) the quality of my style of life rather than the reflection on tasks achieved and ‘battles’ won.

For me, I work to live – not live to work – and if that means I have to work bloody hard to achieve the best lifestyle I can (but not at the expense of sacrificing the very style of life I crave by the work required to achieve it at the cost of everything else)  then I can and will. The effect this has, though, is that as I get older, I am less inclined to keep up the heavy repetitive schedule of work and want to enjoy more of the fruits of my labour,  more often… and that – in some ways -makes me feel old, like I am slowing down and entering my dotage… not a very enjoyable sensation. 

So I am at a crossroads in my life – have I been successful? Have I been successful ENOUGH? Do I slow down and start to enjoy what I have or do I have that one final push to enforce my workplace ‘virility’ and push me to the next stage of life comforts?

Keep reading over the coming months and I am sure my posts will inform you, dear reader, of the course – as yet unchosen – that I finally decide upon.

A New Suit

What is it about a new suit that makes a man feel special? You will see from earlier/older posts I have a philosophy of trying to present yourself in the best way possible (this in turn, I believe, aides self-esteem and general well-being) and a new suit seems to fit into that philosophy beautifully.

I think all men see themselves as some kind of celebrity/action man in their minds eye when they picture themselves in their new threads but few actually do look like their mental images (and ladies, please don’t shatter our illusions!); that self image though is key to one’s sense of well-being and therefore the mood that you project to others.

The picture of “Breaking Bad” Bryan Cranston above (pic courtesy of GQ magazine) sums up my ramblings perfectly: sharp, smart and looking ready for action the Calvin Klein suit he is wearing shows off his body shape and physique perfectly – an older man still looking good in a modern take on a classic outfit.

Thank you Bryan… now where did I put my tailor’s phone number….?

Erotic experience

She arrived in her small car dressed in flat shoes, a summer dress (now creased from her journey) and no make up.

I walked down to the car park to greet her and help her with her luggage; without make up and her hair pulled back into a pony tail she looked like any other warm, dishevelled, irritated motorist at the end of their journey.

We made our way upstairs and I showed her around the room, pointing out the four poster bed (like I NEEDED to do that!!) and showed her to the bathroom so she could clean up, cool down and get changed. She disappeared inside and pulled the door to behind her while I got us both a cold drink. 

After 5 minutes of conversation through a half closed door she emerged... Practically naked save for her high heels and miniscule amount of lingerie

"Where do you want me?" She enquired. I motioned toward the bed and grabbed my camera ....

Summer

As I sit typing this post, the sun is streaming through the glass roof and windows of my conservatory, cricket is on the TV, (OK, iPad), a cold drink is in my hand and the birds are singing: a quintessentially English summer day. 

The older I get the more I appreciate the privilege of enjoying such simplicities ... soaking up the colour and fragrance of my garden ....   - am I turning into an old man? Possibly - but if that is the case I will go screaming and kicking into dotage: there is more to Sylvester Greyback than a number and the colour of his hair (as I intend to prove in coming posts).

Watch this space ...

A night away

I hate being away for work and spending time in hotels alone. That said, it does provide the solitude that is conducive to introspective thought...

Makes one contemplate deeply and realise what is and isn't really important. Suffice to say I realise every day should be treated as the first of the rest of your life... - More to follow.

Spring?

Like a squirrel I appear to have been hibernating during the long, cold, dark winter months. With the first traces of anything like spring, however, I am back with a (short) post.

This morning was gorgeously spring-like with overnight frosts and mist rapidly giving way to early morning sunshine and mid-morning warmth.

That transition was illustrated beautifully as I crossed the Thames this morning - a moment I tried to capture in this picture.

I hope the onset of spring will inspire more posts in the not-too distant future....