Bank Holiday Musings

Although it has been a couple of days since the last Bank Holiday (the final one of the year until we get to Christmas!!), I thought I’d share my banks holiday musings with you now (the first chance I have had to do so since the day itself).

Where I live in the South East, Monday was a bright and dry day so I decided to stick the dog in the car and drive to my local ‘sea-side’ town and give him an airy walk along the front.

The sight and scenes that met me on arrival were quintessentially English: the seafront teaming with people – young families enjoying a stroll on this extra day of rest, joggers wending their way through the throng, pensioners sitting on benches and deck-chairs soaking up the watery sun and enjoying the salt-water air. Even my dog seemed to gain an extra helping of zest (something he really does NOT need!!).

As I gazed around me, drinking in the sights and looking at the people I was sharing the day with, the full tide, the sea-front gardens (pic above), I was suddenly overcome with a patriotic pride and belonging… sometimes it really is (Still) good to be British!!

Style, not Submission

In previous posts, dear reader, I have made reference to the onset of middle-aged insecurities and the various lengths one may (or not) go to to address and assuage them.

Aside from body-image issues, there is the constant worry for men of a certain nature to be concerned about what they wear: not yet ready for the leather-elbowed cardie and slippers of dotage, many of us still seek a certain style without wanting to look ridiculous (exactly when does it become indecent to continue buying clothing from ‘Top Man”?).

I am not the only ‘worrier’ in this area; Grey Fox - in his excellent blog – is also searching for the answer to these questions and does a great job of providing some suggested solutions –based on his own preferences -  and examples of same (www.greyfoxblog.com).

Men do not have to turn into their Grandfather’s when they pass 40 as the images below illustrate (apologies for inability to provide credits): - 

We all know Clooney is probably the ultimate ‘Grey Fox’ but shouldn’t we all try and make the best of ourselves, whatever our age?

Your thoughts/opinions/comments are, as ever, welcomed and appreciated.

IfI were a younger man (2)

You may recall from my previous post that I recently found myself in London on business.

Having concluded my engagement I was wending my way back to a mainline station to begin my journey back out to ‘the sticks’. I rounded a corner near Monument and joined a throng of people milling about – some, like me, heading for a station of some description having completed their days’ work, others making their way to various rendezvous’ of a social or intimate nature.

As I threw myself into the throng, a woman a few feet ahead of me - and walking in the same direction - caught my eye. She was tall, slim, had long curly brunette hair, nylon-clad legs to die for (I like to assume she was wearing either stockings or hold-ups….I pray they were NOT tights!), feet adorned in incredible stiletto’s and wearing a short, blue, figure-hugging dress that showed her legs, bottom and small waist to their finest advantage – even from the back.

It is an understatement to say that she stood out from the crowd.

As we both continued our respective journeys along a common route I was transfixed by the sway of her hips and the movement of her shapely legs… nothing uncommon in that for any heterosexual male I guess:  but this, dear reader, is where I start to edge onto ground that I wonder if I am alone in standing on or if others of you experience it (or something similar) too?

I have previously alluded to my penchant for scantily-clad ladies posing for camera (I will provide more detail in future posts); as I walked behind her I started imagining the same gorgeous body clad in only heels, nylons and a suspender belt… wondering how she might look spread before me for my camera lens…..

These thoughts bother me on a number of levels:

• -       if I were a younger man, would such thoughts be dismissed as simply a healthy male libido working as designed?
• -       because I am a more mature man (although I’m happy to say I don’t think I am quite old enough to be the subject’s father!) are such thoughts now considered incorrect?...creepy?...pervy?
• -       should I – simply because I have crossed some society-decreed undefined age barrier – switch off or dismiss such thoughts for the remainder of my life?

In retrospect, what I would have liked to have done (although not in any way to consider even remotely progressing any of the thoughts above), would have been able to engage her and simply tell her how stunning she looked before continuing my journey. Again, a dilemma: – for a younger man to do such a thing would have been considered bold but relatively ‘normal’ (and she would, possibly, have been flattered at such a random compliment); would a more mature man undertaking the same actions be considered creepy/pervy/just plain wrong and - even worse - cause offence to the 'complimentee'?

I am in a quandary here and any comments or feedback you, the reader, would like to provide to help me clarify my position one way or the other would be much appreciated.

If I were a younger man (1)

A few days ago I found myself in London for a business meeting. At the height of Olympic fever the entire city was pulsating with the excitement of the games and the incredible achievements of the boys and girls who have delivered success for Team GB. The West End, in particular Trafalgar Square and the surrounding streets, was absolutely crammed with people heading to and from Horse Guards Parade for the beach volleyball (lucky b*ggers….).

I took the opportunity to pop into a relatively ‘un-busy’ café Nero for a small cappuccino and to muse over the events of the previous days that so captivated our Nation: I fantasised, if I had taken a different path, what ‘glory’ could have been in store for me? I was an average sportsman in my younger years but sprinting (100m and 200m) was where (relative to me peers at least) I excelled, being school champion in 3 consecutive years and representing the school at district level. My speed also benefitted (or at least helped disguise shortcomings!) in other sports – I was a winger in the rugby team (speed), a full back (‘nippy wing-back’) in the football team and so on….. Unfortunately, when I was at school – and particularly at MY school (I am a product of the dysfunctional comprehensive system this country was guilty of in the late 70’s and early 80’s) - there was little or no chance to excel or progress a sporting career; no one was prepared to ‘spot’ you and develop you… indeed, no-one on the school staff seemed to care much about anything beyond getting each year group through it’s CSE exams and out of the school gates and into the world of unemployment.

This frustration at not being given attention/encouragement to develop my physical or sporting abilities at any level has stayed with me into adult life and is, I believe, a key factor in my willingness to take up various sports and activities over the years – I was a keen squash player for many years, a horseman (polo player), runner, footballer and rugby player. Even in the turbulent depths of middle age I remain an avid gym-goer and have just taken up scuba diving. I mention all of this – not to brag or boast – but to point out the lengths I have gone to to test myself physically … to try these sports to ‘see if I am any good’ at them and thus boost my self esteem (see previous post ‘Self Image and Confidence’ for further self-esteem musings!)… or perhaps simply to prove that as I get older I– physically at least – still ‘have it’.

Anyway – the upshot of all this is that I wondered how – if I were younger and a product of the education system in more recent years (a marked improvement on my time, based on observations made whilst my own children were progressing through their collective education) – my life would have perhaps taken a different turn? I am not jealous of our superb athletes in particular or younger people and their opportunities generally… just curious and wondering ‘what if’?

Am I alone in such wonderings? Your feedback and comments are, as ever, most welcome.

….and finally I would, from the bottom of my heart, like to congratulate ALL the Olympic participants (and the army of support people who have made it possible) for a fantastic games and for making me feel – once again – proud to be British!

Self Image and Confidence

I’ve heard it said that confidence comes with age. I don’t agree – as I’ve grown older self doubt, various inferiority complexes and huge self-image issues have started to invade my psyche.

Men “of a certain age” start to doubt themselves: - “am I too fat?”,  “am I still virile?”, “can I still perform in the bedroom?” . Underpinning all such doubts is the need to be told we are still attractive and desirable . Some men pursue this affirmation in the form of an extra-marital affair or by the purchase of some heinously expensive toy (often a fast car?) - the stereotypical ‘mid life crisis’ – (I am guilty of both) while others simply accept the doubts as “normal” and opt for the “pipe and slippers” lifestyle.

Who is correct?

Women in similar positions of mid-life doubt (in my limited experience) also tend to fall on either side of the divide: - they either opt for the ‘fuck it’ approach and let their hair go grey, their busts drop and their waistlines spread and accept it as “growing old gracefully” or they hit the gym, drop a couple of dress sizes, improve their social circles and (perhaps) pursue a token of self-affirmation - e.g. pose for a set of boudoir photographs at their local photography studio to obtain physical proof of their ability to ward off the ravages of time (Ladies posing for saucy photographs is a pet “like” of mine – but more of that in later posts)… - should men consider this option too?

The main difference in the non-acceptance scenarios for men and women – again in my opinion and very limited experience - is that women seem to seek self-affirmation while men seek the affirmation of women. 

Either way - man or woman, accepting or rebelling – who is to say which is right, wrong or what other alternatives not considered here there might be?

Your views and opinions are welcomed….

Day 1

So… who am I and why am I here?

I am a man steeped in middle age - I've been a husband and am a father - but with the outlook and hopes of someone much younger. I am confused and frustrated by and with the world around me. I am a collection of paradoxes - I want things to change and I want things to remain the same (see what I mean!?)

I am sexually aware and frustrated in equal measures and someone who is searching for a version of himself he had expected to have achieved and be fully formed long before now.

It is these paradoxes, frustrations and quest for solutions that I will share with you here. Uploading posts will be irregular due to other demands on my limited time, and subject matter will vary; - sometimes moral, sometimes sexual, sometimes ethical, sometimes mundane – always though (I promise) it will be honest.

In return your feedback is sought and welcomed.

Watch this space…..